When Pain Protects Itself by Controlling Others: On Narcissistic Traits and Energetic Clarity
Some people survive by controlling those around them. Here’s how to recognise narcissistic traits as protective patterns — and why seeing clearly is the first act of self-trust.
Not All Hurt Is the Same
Yes — hurt people hurt people.
But some hurt others to protect the structures they’ve built to survive.
And when those structures become fixed — when there’s no reflection, no repair, no mutuality — it creates more than disconnection. It creates distortion.
Narcissistic Traits Aren’t Power. They’re Protection.
What we often call “narcissism” is, at its core, a defence.
Not always a conscious one — but a deeply embodied one.
It forms when someone learns that vulnerability is dangerous. That visibility means shame. That to be safe, they must be admired, obeyed, or never questioned.
So they create a strategy:
Be charming, but unavailable
Control perception
Avoid accountability
Discharge shame by blaming others
Collapse conflict into confusion
This isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a pattern — one that disconnects a person from their core self, and disrupts the energetic field of any relationship they enter.
What It Feels Like (In Your Body)
If you’ve loved someone shaped by these traits, you may have:
Held your breath in their presence
Made yourself smaller to keep the peace
Felt like your memories didn’t matter
Questioned whether you were the problem
Energetically, it’s subtle — but unmistakable. You bend around their fragility. Your clarity feels like a threat. And their pain becomes the compass for every interaction.
This Is the Moment to Come Back to Yourself
You can feel compassion — and still set boundaries.
You can understand their pain — and still refuse to absorb it.
You can say:
“I see where this comes from.”
“I feel the impact on my body, my voice, my truth.”
“And I choose to step out of the pattern.”
This isn’t punishment. It’s alignment.
The Work Is to See Clearly, Feel Fully, and Stand in Your Ground
Not everyone will do the work to reconnect with themselves.
But you can.
And that begins with clarity — not analysis, not blame. Just clarity.
At Aligned, I work with people reclaiming self-trust after years of relational distortion.
This work is gentle, deep, and grounded in presence.
In-person sessions in Copenhagen, or online worldwide.
Book a free 15-minute intro call.
Come back to what’s actually yours.
